{"id":24007,"date":"2019-08-21T09:35:01","date_gmt":"2019-08-21T09:35:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adoption-2020.local\/what-it-feels-like-not-receiving-updatespictures-of-our-child-the-birthmother-experience\/"},"modified":"2021-03-15T23:36:55","modified_gmt":"2021-03-16T06:36:55","slug":"what-it-feels-like-not-receiving-updatespictures-of-our-child-the-birthmother-experience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/what-it-feels-like-not-receiving-updatespictures-of-our-child-the-birthmother-experience\/","title":{"rendered":"What It Feels Like Not Receiving Updates\/Pictures of Our Child – The Birthmother Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"

We held up our end of the deal, but you aren\u2019t holding up yours.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

Maybe you are busy, maybe you forgot about us, or maybe it
\nisn\u2019t a priority. <\/o_p><\/p>\n

But we haven\u2019t forgotten.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

We don\u2019t want to bother you so we don\u2019t ask.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

Or we have asked so many times without getting anything that
\nwe have just given up.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

We feel like a means to an end. A vessel so you could get
\nwhat you always wanted. <\/o_p><\/p>\n

Makes us second guess if we made the right decision. If we
\npicked the right family.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

We are forced to wonder if our child is being take care of.
\nIf he\/she is ok. If they know about us.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

And so we wait. Hoping for an email or an update or anything
\nat all.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

While you are living life, we wait.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

I think what is so heartbreaking is that there are SO many
\nbirthmothers with stories like these. For every 1 birthmother getting her
\nupdates and pictures as promised, there 5 others who aren\u2019t. Here are just a
\nfew birthmothers who bravely shared what it feels like to not get updates and
\npictures of their child.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

\u201cMy daughter\u2019s adoptive parents stopped sending pictures and
\nupdates almost 4 years ago. They sent some pictures this past Christmas and I
\nknow absolutely nothing about my daughter. It
\nreally hurt me<\/b> for a long time. I started having feelings of resentment and
\nthat I didn\u2019t make the right choice as far as the family goes. I know they love
\nher and she has a great life, BUT IT IS
\nLIKE LOSING HER FOR A SECOND TIME<\/b>. I\u2019ve come to a point where it\u2019s almost
\n\u201cout of sight out of mind\u201d now. I hate saying that because she\u2019s a part of me
\nand I wish I could be more to her. I don\u2019t even know if she knows my name, who
\nI am, or if she is adopted. It is a
\nterrible feeling.\u201d<\/b><\/o_p><\/p>\n

-Ali C.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

\u201cMy daughter went to an amazing couple and they sent
\npictures and updates all the time. But then it slowed. Then it stopped
\naltogether. After about 2 years I called her adoptive mom and asked her why.
\nShe was terrified to tell me that they had divorced. I was crushed my daughter
\nwas still fatherless after all I did for her UNTIL I realized how much my
\ndaughter meant to Sarah (her adoptive mom) as she headed out on her own with a
\n3 year old. I don\u2019t pester because life can really get the best of us
\nsometimes, but I really hope
\ncommunication will pick up again<\/b>. I love them both and I love hearing about
\ntheir life together.\u201d<\/o_p><\/p>\n

-Darcee C.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

\u201cI had my daughter at 16 and didn\u2019t really reach out until I
\nwas 20 years old because I didn\u2019t know what to do or how to do it. I was still
\na child and learning about life. In my 20\u2019s I realized that I have a daughter
\nand I wanted to know about her. I never knew how the adoption process worked
\nbecause everything was pretty much done for me at 16. Now that I know, I only ask for an update once a year in
\nJune and that\u2019s on her birthday. Even then it takes her parents 2-3 months to
\nget me an update. This year I have not gotten anything yet, still waiting. It\u2019s
\nAugust.<\/b> It makes me sad because I don\u2019t ask for much and I don\u2019t want to
\nfeel like I\u2019m bothering them. I cry.<\/b>
\nI keep saying to myself that they are busy or something must have come up. They
\nare good people and I still believe that, but it\u2019s cruel. After reaching out so many times, it breaks my heart because I only ask
\nfor 1 picture once a year.<\/b> Of course I want more. Of course I want them to
\nsend me a letter and tell me how she is and all about her. I have been checking
\nmy email constantly since June 25 and nothing. I deserve to know my daughter or at least how she is doing.\u201d<\/o_p><\/b><\/p>\n

-Jess A.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

So maybe those pictures and updates don\u2019t mean much to you,
\nmaybe they are an inconvenience, but they mean the world to us. You are breaking a promise to the woman who
\ntrusted you<\/b>. Let that sink in. If you can\u2019t follow through with what a
\nbirthmother is asking for in terms of post placement updates and contact, then
\nmaybe it isn\u2019t the right situation for you. And there is no shame in
\nrecognizing that and waiting for a situation that better suits you. She
\ndeserves your honesty and she deserves to receive what she is asking for. In
\ntoday\u2019s world it takes less than 1 minute to send a picture via email or upload
\na photo on the Shutterfly app on your phone. It is one minute out of your day,
\n5 minutes out of your year, to show your birthmother that you care about her
\nand you are committed to holding up your end of the deal. <\/o_p><\/p>\n

We held up our end of the deal, so please hold up yours.<\/o_p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We held up our end of the deal, but you aren\u2019t holding up yours. Maybe you are busy, maybe you forgot about us, or maybe it isn\u2019t a priority. But we haven\u2019t forgotten. We don\u2019t want to bother you so we don\u2019t ask. Or we have asked so many times without getting anything that we…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10914,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[649],"tags":[1131,1129,1127,1128,1130],"class_list":["post-24007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-birth-mothers","tag-birth-mother-pain","tag-no-updates","tag-not-receiving-photos-of-our-child","tag-not-receiving-updates-on-our-child","tag-not-sending-updates"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24007","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10914"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24007"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24007\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}