{"id":23999,"date":"2019-07-24T00:14:34","date_gmt":"2019-07-24T00:14:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adoption-2020.local\/the-birthmother-experience-what-does-healing-mean-to-us\/"},"modified":"2021-03-10T16:57:25","modified_gmt":"2021-03-11T00:57:25","slug":"the-birthmother-experience-what-does-healing-mean-to-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/the-birthmother-experience-what-does-healing-mean-to-us\/","title":{"rendered":"The Birthmother Experience: What Does Healing Mean To Us"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was talking with someone about my adoption journey
\nrecently and I was stopped in my tracks by the question \u201cdo you think you have
\nfully healed from your experience?\u201d It was a question I had never been asked
\nand quite frankly something I had never really thought about. It made me start
\nto think about how far I have come emotionally since placing my birth daughter,
\nbut at the same time confront the emotions that I still feel to this day. My
\nfirst instinct was to say yes, but then I couldn\u2019t help but think about the
\ndays that I still struggle with it. 7 years later there are still hard days and
\nsometimes hard weeks. There are still times I cry and I struggle. Healing is
\ndifferent for everyone, so I was curious what other birth moms felt like
\n\u201chealing\u201d was to them. Here is what they said.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

Now before I jump into this next part I feel the need to get
\nsomething straight right out of the gates. We NEVER \u201cget over\u201d our experience.
\nIt is something that becomes a part of us and hopefully one day a very healthy,
\nhappy part of us. But when people ask \u201cAre you over it now?\u201d the answer to that
\nis always NO.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

So What Does Healing Mean To Us?<\/span><\/o_p><\/p>\n

HAVING MORE GOOD DAYS
\nTHAN BAD DAYS. If I am being honest, the first part of an adoption journey
\nfor birthparents can be all consuming. The best way I can describe it is like
\nan hourglass. All of the sand starts out at the top (representing the hard,
\npainful days) and slowly it trickles down and there starts to become more and
\nmore in the bottom (the good days). But it can be very slow moving. The
\nadoption journey can be very much like an hourglass. At some point in our
\njourney there starts to be more good days than bad. <\/o_p><\/p>\n

BEING ABLE TO TALK
\nABOUT OUR EXPERIENCE. <\/span>For some birthmothers, speaking about our experience
\nand having a platform to tell our story allows us to process our emotions and
\nto not feel alone. Whether it be a group of fellow birthmothers or a nationwide
\nadoption conference, having the space to be authentic and open can be so
\nhealing and powerful. While every birthmother is unique, I think we all find
\ncomfort in knowing we are not alone and that our story matters. <\/o_p><\/p>\n

FINDING PRIDE IN
\nBEING A BIRTHMOTHER.<\/span> Unfortunately in today\u2019s world there is still a lot of
\nshame placed on women who choose to make an adoption plan for their child. On
\ntop of the grief we are experiencing, we often feel guilt and shame. The day we
\ncan find pride in being a birthmother is one of the most powerful experiences.
\nThe day that we realize that we created something so amazing out of something
\nso awful is the day we understand what an honor it is to be a birthmother.
\nBirthmothers are STRONG, SELFLESS, COURAGEOUS, and BRAVE, so brave that they
\nare willing to rip their own heart out to give their child a better life. And
\nhopefully one day we find the courage to let go of the guilt and shame that is
\nput on us and celebrate the amazing women we are.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

WE DON\u2019T REALLY KNOW.<\/span>
\nI think there is a part of us that doesn\u2019t really know what it means to be
\nfully healed. Do we every really fully heal from it? It is such a unique
\nexperience and there is no right or wrong way to feel. It is uncharted
\nterritory. Sometimes it\u2019s a week straight of crying. Sometimes it is years of
\nfeeling at peace. Sometimes it\u2019s a feeling that sneaks up on you just when you
\nthought you felt okay. At the end of the day we are doing the best that we can
\nto navigate through a difficult, beautiful, painful, situation that has
\nabsolutely no roadmap.<\/o_p><\/p>\n

 Written by: Ali D.<\/o_p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was talking with someone about my adoption journey recently and I was stopped in my tracks by the question \u201cdo you think you have fully healed from your experience?\u201d It was a question I had never been asked and quite frankly something I had never really thought about. It made me start to think…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10914,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[649],"tags":[1125,1126,1123,1124],"class_list":["post-23999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-birth-mothers","tag-birth-mother-healing","tag-birthmom-healing","tag-birthmother-healing","tag-what-does-healing-mean-for-birth-mothers"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23999","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10914"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23999"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23999\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23999"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23999"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23999"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}