{"id":23854,"date":"2017-02-07T18:38:35","date_gmt":"2017-02-07T18:38:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adoption-2020.local\/finding-balance-in-open-adoption-relationships\/"},"modified":"2025-01-20T12:13:50","modified_gmt":"2025-01-20T20:13:50","slug":"finding-balance-in-open-adoption-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/finding-balance-in-open-adoption-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Balance in Open Adoption Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

Open adoption<\/a> varies because no two adoptions look alike. Open adoption is based on the type and amount of contact the birth parents and adoptive parents have agreed to during and after the adoption process. When it comes to open adoption relationships, people are curious. Many have asked me, \u201cWhat do you say to your kids\u2019 birth parents?\u201d Some are completely flabbergasted that I even keep in contact with them at all. They are the ones who follow up with, \u201cThat is so nice of you. Your kids are so lucky.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Those who are genuinely interested in open adoption<\/a> are adopting parents starting the adoption process or those who just want to learn more about adoption. Knowing what to say to your kid\u2019s birth parents can be tricky. You most likely had a vision in your head about the type of relationship you would have with the birth parents. In truth, it may not work out that way.<\/p>\n

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For us, I was excited to write letters to my daughter\u2019s birth mom. But, I didn\u2019t know where to start. I didn\u2019t know how to express all of my daughter\u2019s greatness and cuteness in a simple letter. I didn\u2019t know how much she wanted to know. Did she want to know when she got her first tooth, or that she took 2 naps a day? I wanted to share everything because she is her mother too and is missing out on so many moments. Yet, I didn\u2019t want to bombard her with words that may have been overwhelming to her at that time. At first, I shared a few things we had done since the last time I had written, and then I listed our daughter\u2019s milestones, favorite things, height, weight, etc. We had agreed when our daughter turned one to send letters once a year instead of every 3 months like we had been. By that time, her birth mom had stopped all contact, but we still sent them. We hoped she would read them and respond when she was able. The yearly letters gave a month-by-month recap of things we and our daughter did that month, as well as her likes, interests, and talents. I was careful about the wording of my letters so as not to offend her. I never referred to myself or my husband as \u201cMom and Dad\u201d. I didn\u2019t want to make things harder for her. Though when she finally did respond, she called us \u201cMom and Dad\u201d over and over in her letter. It made me realize that I didn\u2019t need to be as cautious with my words. Now because of our daughter\u2019s birth mom\u2019s situation, there are certain things I do not share with her. She doesn\u2019t know my daughter is a published author. That kills me. I\u2019d love to share that with her, but if she knew this, she\u2019d know our last name and we aren\u2019t comfortable with that. I know that might draw some criticism, but you don\u2019t know all the facts. I kindly ask you to respect our decision.<\/p>\n

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With my son, our contact and what we share are quite different. I share tons with his birth mom. Today I wrote to her about the epic tantrums our son has been throwing. That is something I would have never dreamed of telling either of my kids\u2019 birth moms, but we have a level of comfort that makes sharing lots of details okay. It\u2019s like talking to family. I even share behavior issues my oldest is having at school now that her birth mom is in contact more. My son\u2019s birth mom also loves to know about our daughter and asks about her often. There isn\u2019t much that I don\u2019t tell my son\u2019s birth mom. At first, I was reserved with how much I shared and watched my words. But, as our relationship grew that all went out the window. She shares details about her job, her son, her church family, her schooling, etc.<\/p>\n

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Throughout the adoption process, you will learn what works for you and the birth parents. One adoption may be fully open and then the birth mother decides to limit contact. While another adoption may be less open until both the birth parents and adoptive family decide to engage in a more open adoption. You will find a balance and grow to love this sharing between your child\u2019s two families (or maybe you already do).<\/p>\n

What are the benefits of adoption?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Open adoption varies because no two adoptions look alike. Open adoption is based on the type and amount of contact the birth parents and adoptive parents have agreed to during and after the adoption process. When it comes to open adoption relationships, people are curious. Many have asked me, \u201cWhat do you say to your…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10914,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[649],"tags":[646,691,689,694,635,671,642,688,639,692,678,685,690,693],"class_list":["post-23854","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-birth-mothers","tag-adoption","tag-adoptive-mother","tag-balance","tag-benefit","tag-birth-mother","tag-birthmother","tag-closed-adoption","tag-open","tag-open-adoption","tag-open-adoption-relationship","tag-perspective","tag-relationship","tag-relationships","tag-truth"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10914"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23854"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23854\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adoptionnetwork.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}