Every state is different and will have different laws about abortion. New abortion bans have taken effect (trigger bans), and decades-old abortion laws might now become enforceable. The result: rapidly changing, overwhelming and confusing limitations on women’s choices of what they can do, when and where, with their bodies and their pregnancies.

How Adoption Network Legal Center Can Help

If you are pregnant or know a woman with an unplanned pregnancy, we urge you to seek information, education, assistance, and support. And seek it sooner, not later. Whether it’s placing your baby up for adoption, raising your unplanned child or an abortion, your best action is to educate and inform yourself. Become aware and explore ALL your options including the risks.

Adoption may be an option that you’ve considered or haven’t considered until now. For education and information, please see our website, www.adoptionnetwork.com. We offer help like financial and emotional support for birth mothers.

If you feel that you don’t have support from family, friends, or your community, seek support elsewhere. Reach out. The support you want and need is available.

For more information about the Supreme Court, new abortion trigger bans and other abortion laws and restrictions, please read on.

Who is on the U.S. Supreme Court?

The U.S. Supreme Court is made up of nine appointed justices (judges). When one of the justices dies, retires, or is impeached, a new justice is nominated by the current President of the United States and the U.S. Senate confirms the nominee with a simple majority vote. The President will select a someone who aligns with their and their supporters’ values, beliefs, and opinions to be vetted by Congress through the advise and consent process.

The current members of the U. S. Supreme Court are:

-Chief Justice John Roberts, born 1955, appointed by George W. Bush in 2005.

-Justice Clarence Thomas, born 1948, appointed by George H. W. Bush in 1991, the second African American to serve on the Court.

-Justice Samuel Alito, born 1950, appointed by George W. Bush in 2006.

-Justice Sonia Sotomayor, born 1954, appointed by Barack Obama in 2009, third woman, first woman of color, first Latina to serve on the Court.

-Justice Elena Kagan, born 1960, appointed by Barak Obama in 2010, fourth woman to serve on the Court.

-Justice Neil Gorsuch, born 1967, appointed by Donald Trump in 2017.

-Justice Brett Kavanaugh, born 1965, appointed by Donald Trump in 2018.

-Justice Amy Coney Barrett, born 1972, appointed by Donald Trump in 2020, fifth woman to serve on the Court.

-Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, born 1970, appointed by Joe Biden in 2022, first African American woman to serve on the Court. (replacing Justice Stephen Breyer, appointed by Bill Clinton)

In Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, Justice Samuel Alito wrote the majority opinion with Justices Clarence Thomas, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett joining. Chief Justice John Roberts concurred (agreed) but would have limited the decision to the Mississippi law they were deciding on only and did not agree with overturning Roe v. Wade. Dissenting (disagreeing) were Justices Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor, and Elena Kagan. The vote was 6 to 3 on the Mississippi law and 5 to 4 on the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

The impact of the reversal of Roe v. Wade extends beyond the woman who wants and cannot obtain an abortion. The emotional and mental impact could extend to the unwanted child, family, friends, fathers, and the community.

This Dobbs decision to reverse Roe v. Wade presents numerous legal questions and future lawsuits around people’s rights to privacy, free practice of religion, equal protection and the separation of church and state.

As part of the Judicial branch of our government, the job of these nine justices on the U.S. Supreme Court is to interpret the laws created by our legislature, laws on other important issues such as gun control, voting rights, immigration, and environmental emissions control. Since the justices serve for life, their decisions have lasting, multi-generational repercussions on our country.

13 States with Trigger Bans to Abortion

A trigger ban is a law written to take effect immediately (or within a short time) if Roe v. Wade is overturned. Some of these trigger bans have no exceptions for rape, incest, or to save the life of the pregnant woman. Once these trigger ban laws go into effect, they replace other laws such as previous bans based on the number of weeks of pregnancy.

The following states currently have trigger bans: Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Wyoming.

The language and details of each state’s trigger bans are different. Women’s access to abortion changed overnight with clinics cancelling their appointments the day the Dobbs ruling came down. Lawsuits have been filed to stop enforcement of the trigger bans. For example, on June 30, 2022, a New Orleans judge issued a temporary restraining order, allowing abortion clinics to temporarily offer abortions again. There are many legal battles going on and the availability of abortion is changing daily in this recent aftermath.

Decades-Old Abortion Bans are Resurrected

Several states, such as Mississippi, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Arizona, and Michigan, have decades-old abortion bans on their books.

Wisconsin’s law from 1849 bans abortion, even in cases of rape or incest, and provides an exception if it’s “medically deemed to save a woman’s life.” What this means is not clear. This puts many doctors in Wisconsin and other medical professionals in a difficult position. Now as they provide medical care to their patients, they also have to think about protecting themselves from felony criminal liability (up to 6 years in prison or $10,000). Although Wisconsin’s Attorney General Josh Kaul has filed a challenge to the 1849 law and said he won’t enforce the state’s ban, some clinics have suspended their abortion services the day the Dobbs decision came down anyway.

Michigan’s law from 1931 makes an abortion a criminal felony with a penalty up to 4 years in prison. Criminal liability can extend to doctors who assist. Similarly, it bans abortions in cases of rape and incest and provides an exception “to preserve the life of the mother.” Governor Gretchen Whitmer is working on blocking that law. Attorney General Dana Nessel says she will not enforce the 1931 law, but elected county prosecutors can bring such cases.

In short, whether officials in these states can or will enforce these old laws is not clear.

In Some Cases, Women Have as Little as 2 Weeks to Decide and Obtain an Abortion

Previously, courts have blocked many of these laws that banned abortion after 6 or 8 weeks of pregnancy such as those in Georgia, Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, and Idaho. Now those laws may take effect immediately.

Typically, the start of pregnancy is measured from the first day of a woman’s last menstrual cycle. For example, if the first day of your last period is June 1 and your cycle last 28 days, ovulation generally occurs on day 14 (in this case, June 14). And if you become pregnant on June 14, you might be able to know you’re pregnant in the last week of June, week 4. This means that a pregnant woman who finds out she is pregnant at week 4 has only 2 weeks (approximately mid-July) to decide and obtain an abortion. Many women won’t know they are pregnant until after 6 weeks. In those states, they no longer have a choice to have an abortion.

What About State Constitutional Rights?

States have their own constitutions also. And often the state constitutions offer more rights than the U.S. Constitution. Although there are no state constitutions that explicitly include a right to abortion, many state constitutions have rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as well as a rights to privacy.

State constitutions are generally easier to change than the federal Constitution. Once a state legislature proposes an amendment, most states require only a simple majority to approve it.

Recent lawsuits have been filed in Utah, Kentucky, Idaho, and Mississippi challenging state courts to find a right to abortion. The decisions are to be determined.

In 2014, Tennessee was the first state in the country to amend their constitution to expressly declare no right to abortion. Alabama, West Virginia, and Louisiana have followed Tennessee’s lead.

In 2019, the state’s Supreme Court in Kansas found a right to abortion in the state’s constitution’s “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” clause. That means that abortion is legal in Kansas today. That could change in August 2022, when Kansas voters consider such an amendment to their state constitution. In November, Kentucky voters will consider a state constitutional amendment.

Colorado, District of Columbia, New Jersey, and Oregon have codified the right to abortion throughout pregnancy. This November 2022 Vermont voters will vote on a state constitutional amendment guaranteeing “personal reproductive autonomy” and California and Michigan voters will vote to add abortion to their state constitutional rights.

What Options Do Women Have Now with Unwanted Pregnancy in Restrictive States?

Some states are trying to expand access to abortion to prepare for more patients traveling interstate. The governors of California, Washington, and Oregon (sanctuary states) are calling their states “safe havens” for all those seeking abortions and other reproductive health care services. These governors said they’ll protect women who cross their state borders for reproductive healthcare. They said they won’t help out-of-state investigators targeting women who seek these services.

The harsh reality is that many pregnant women will find themselves in a position where their time has run out and abortion is no longer an option in their state. Some of these women will not be able to travel to another state where that option remains because they can’t financially afford it, can’t take time off work, or can’t find alternate childcare for their children if necessary.

Some women may end up giving birth and raising their child, maybe on their own, without adequate financial, mental, and emotional resources. Some women may end up dropping off their baby at a hospital using “safe haven” laws, available in all 50 states, to protect themselves from criminal prosecution. But if they did this, they wouldn’t be involved the decision of where the baby will go and who will raise them, as they would be if they choose adoption instead.

All these situations and decisions are difficult and may involve extreme grief and loss. Please educate and inform yourself of ALL your options. For information about adoption, please see our website, www.adoptionnetwork.com. We offer help such as financial and emotional support for birth mothers.

If you feel that you do not have support from your family, friends, or your community, seek support elsewhere. Reach out. The support you want and need is available.

By Diem K. Nguyen

Diem K. Nguyen is an Attorney at Law licensed in California, owner of her own law practice, Simple CA Divorce, in Orange County, California, a freelance writer, and mother of two children.  

Within the article, there were several accusations and suggestions that blatantly misrepresent the truth. In order to protect and maintain the privacy of past clients, birth mothers, and employees, Adoption Network is limited in disclosing specific details. However, some of the more broad accusations are addressed herein to shed true light and perspective on what are common practices within the adoption community.

Service and Retainer Fees

False Claim: ANLC is profit-driven at the expense of adoptive families and birth mothers

Reality: Within the article and video, there is mention of two fees. The first is Preliminary & Administrative Services and Marketing & Client Management Services Fee. This fee covers the following:

• All of the administrative work involved in preparing an adoptive family for an adoption opportunity.
• The ever-growing expense related to advertising through Google and other channels to make potential birth mothers aware of ANLC’s services. As the article correctly points out, “it is a fundamental problem of supply and demand;” there are more adoptive parents than there are birth mothers. The only way for an adoption entity to provide adoptive parents an adoption opportunity is to market, which costs money, time, and human resources.
• The creation and publishing of the adoptive family’s profile used for marketing purposes.
• A review of said profile by members of the target demographic to ensure optimal delivery.
• Assignment of a Client Services Liaison who is dedicated to the adoptive family’s file regardless of whether the process takes a few months or a few years, and
• A staff that is available to answer calls at 2 a.m. and support our birth mothers 24 hours a day.

Depending on how efficient we can be with advertising budgets, over the years we have been able to reduce the fees in this section to the current levels with some past agreements being more expensive, which is not indicative of profit maximization as the article suggests. Further, no matter how long an opportunity may take to present itself, the client is not asked to pay more even if marketing fees fail to cover all of the extended expenses. This is a one-time fixed fee.

The second fee is the Fundamental Readying and Legal Analysis Fee and Adoption Opportunity Service Fee. This fee covers the following services:

• The expenses involved in developing a relationship with a potential birth mother to ensure a genuine adoption opportunity is presented to an adoptive family.
• A legal review of the potential ICPC issues involved between the adoptive client state and the potential birth mother state.
• The management of the adoption opportunity for as long as necessary.
• Post-birth care and support for the birth mother involved for as long as is needed.

While some not involved or familiar with the rigors of the domestic adoption processes and legal pathways may find these fees high, we can assure you that they are well within the standards of adoption professionals and are necessary to ensure all operations are legal, ethical and that we are taking care of both the adoptive family and the birth mother. All of Adoption Network’s fees are clearly presented before a hopeful adopting family becomes a client.

Birth Mother Living Expenses

False Claim: ANLC attempted to pad the living expenses provided by one of our clients

Reality: Birth mother living expenses (BMLE) are a standard mechanism used to ensure the health and well-being of the birth mother during the adoption process. This usually includes food, rent, certain utility payments, and other necessities. They are usually pro-rated so that only the expenses incurred by the birth mother and not her entire family are covered. They are also usually required to be approved by a judge to verify the legality of any payments which is critical for avoiding fraud and baby trafficking. At ANLC, we provide as much support to the birth mother as is legally possible. In coordination with a prospective adoptive family, ANLC determines the support on the actual needs of the birth mother and according to the guidelines of her state.  ANLC documents and verifies the expectant mother’s expenses, on an ongoing basis. All anticipated expenses are communicated and solidified before an expectant mother moves forward with choosing a family. Adopting families are presented with these projected and approved expenses before moving forward in an adoption opportunity. Financial protection is provided to adopting families if an expectant mother chooses to parent.

Birth Mother Reimbursement

False Claim: ANLC threatens birth mothers with repayment of money if they change their mind

Reality: ANLC has not and will not tolerate ANLC employees who suggest a birth mother pays back the birth mother living expenses (BMLE) for changing her mind. The child is not legally placed with the adoptive family until a birth mother signs the appropriate adoption documentation. In some states there is even a cooling off period during which the birth mother may change her mind after signing, which is her right. However, if ANLC feels that the birth mother may be acting in a fraudulent manner, or engaging in multiple adoption opportunities with different entities or families, we will educate the birth mother on the realities of adoption fraud and its potential criminal repercussions.

Birth Mothers and CPS (Child Protective Services)

False Claim: ANLC threatens birth mothers with CPS involvement

Reality: ANLC has never, and will never coerce an expectant mother with a threat to call CPS. In some cases outside entities, such as hospital social workers, intervene when they suspect the option to parent is not legally viable for the expectant mother. Ethically, we believe that expectant mothers should be informed of their rights and the realities of each decision. Discussing CPS involvement is never done as a threat, but in an effort to help her make an informed decision for her child. ANLC supports any decision an expectant mother makes.

Birth Mother Relocation

False Claim: ANLC relocates birth mothers to make adoption easier for the client

Reality: ANLC is not aware of a birth mother relocating simply to make it easier to complete an adoption. If a birth mother wants to relocate for personal reasons (either because she wants to leave her state or if she is fleeing a bad situation), ANLC has honored and supported her request. The decision for an expectant mother to move is always 100% initiated by and is in the hands of the birth mother.

Adoption Opportunity Practices

False Claim: ANLC only makes opportunities that maximize revenue

Reality: Within the Time article it was suggested that ANLC optimizes income by only providing opportunities to those clients that would bring in new revenue. This is a blatant misrepresentation of the truth. ANLC has no official or unofficial guidelines mandating certain criteria for adoption opportunities based on anticipated income. ANLC strives to create the strongest adoption opportunity possible, considering the needs of the adoptive family and the birth mother without regard to how it impacts ANLC’s revenue. Making the strongest relationship possible works for everybody involved. The Adoption Network brand has lasted over 25 years because it is never so short-sighted to prioritize revenue ahead of a strong adoption opportunity.

Clarification on Non Disparaging Clause

False Claim: ANLC illegally silences adoptive family and birth mothers to protect its reputation

Reality: Unlike other domestic adoption entities, we do not bar either clients or birth mothers from voicing their opinion about their experiences as can be seen by our presence on Yelp and Google reviews. ANLC has many adoptive family and birth mother reviews while other entities are have none. Zero reviews from an established adoption entity could only be the result of the entity censoring past participants. Here is the complete section in context of why we ask our families to practice discretion when discussing their retention with us in public.

“Clients recognize that any outward negative reference to their ANLC experience can be counterproductive to their goal of being selected by a birth mother/birth parents. Clients understand that negative expressions, reviews, blogs or other comments on the internet, social media or other public forum about the adoption process could undermine the proactive efforts ANLC undertakes to achieve a successful adoption for its Clients. Clients agree not to talk negatively about ANLC’s efforts, service, positions, policies and employees with anyone, including potential birth parents, other adoption-related entities or on social media and other internet platforms.”

*Underlined portion selectively edited for the article

As you can see the verbiage is designed to protect the adoptive family clients from sabotaging their own potential adoption experience out of frustration and not from protecting our reputation. Again, anybody can see ANLC’s reviews on Google and Yelp to determine that ANLC does not censor its past clients and/ or birth mothers. Furthermore, ANLC has a score indicating satisfaction with its services from both sides of the adoption journey.

Unregulated?

False Claim: Adoption throughout the United States is largely unregulated

Reality: It is true that there is little Federal oversight in adoption activity throughout the U.S. because Family Law matters are traditionally regulated by the individual states. ANLC is an Adoption Law Center, and is regulated and licensed by the State Bar of California. ANLC’s Chief Counsel, Lauren Lorber, spent much of her law career addressing the voids in Federal oversight of adoption laws and the need for Federal reform. She has authored publications in an effort to draw attention to these important issues. This has been both a professional and personal focus of hers. Lauren Lorber’s LinkedIn page contains a 28 page Law Review article published by Whittier Law School with input from Erwin Chemerinsky, founding Dean at University of California, Irvine School of Law and currently Dean of Berkeley Law at University of California, Berkeley. The article points out the current voids in Federal oversight of adoption laws and the need for Federal reform of adoption law. The full article is available here. One must wonder why Time would omit such a relevant history of ANLC’s Chief Counsel and only focus on singling out ANLC?

Parting Words

ANLC is confident that prospective birth mothers and adoptive families are able to look past what this Time article is: generated from decades old anecdotal experiences and testimony from one disgruntled former employee and three birth mothers (out of a pool of over 6000), a disparaging article expressing frustration within the domestic adoption community while attempting to punish one of the more transparent and regulated adoption entities. ANLC celebrates and supports birth mothers. We do the best job possible in promoting our adoptive family clients within the scope of the law.  Adoption Network Law Center (ANLC) will continue to practice in an ethical manner that honors each member of the triad.

Charles and Alyssa have been married for 7 years.  At
14, Charles went through chemotherapy and radiation treatment for Hodgkin’s
disease.  While thankful that these treatments saved his life, Charles and
Alyssa were heartbroken to find that they would not be able to conceive a child
naturally.  However, for Charles and Alyssa, adoption is not a “second
choice.”  Both of their families have a history and heart for
adoption.  Charles’ father and 13 siblings were in the foster care system
for years before they found their forever family and Alyssa’s family has 4
adopted children!  Charles and Alyssa state that “It is our heart to not
just have a family, but to show a precious child they are loved beyond measure,
they can change the world with their dreams, and to give them hope for the
beautiful future God has for them.”

As hopeful adoptive parents, Sean and I were thrilled to have the opportunity to meet our daughter’s birth mother, Paige, during her pregnancy.   Just one week after we were matched, Sean and I flew to Paige’s small hometown and met her at a restaurant.  She was shy, reserved, polite, and very sweet.  We hit it off immediately, and this personal meeting helped all three of us feel a sense of peace and comfort about our adoption plan.

As a brand-new mom, I felt incredibly grateful to Paige as I held my sweet baby girl, Natalie.   Without Paige, I would not have become a mom, and without Paige’s decision to make an adoption plan, this precious little girl would not have been my daughter.

As a child psychologist, I believe that it is very important to help my children develop healthy identities, good self-esteem, and robust mental health.  To this end, Sean and I have spoken with Natalie frequently and openly about her adoption story ever since she was a newborn baby.

Sean and I have a framed picture of the two of us with a pregnant Paige on the dresser in our bedroom.   When Natalie was a year old, we would point to each person in the picture and ask her: “Who is this?”  She would point out “Mama,” “Dada,” and “Miss Paige.”  Then I would ask: “Who is in Miss Paige’s tummy?”  And she grin as she replied: “Me!”

For Natalie’s second birthday, I gave her a book that I wrote about her adoption story.  This book contains pictures of Sean and me with Paige during her pregnancy, ultrasounds of Natalie, and pictures of her in the hospital shortly after birth.  Shortly thereafter, Natalie would begin telling us parts of her story, such as: “I was born in Georgia, and Mommy and Daddy drove far, far, away to get me.”

As Natalie got older, we encouraged her to ask questions about her origins and we made it clear to that we are always willing to discuss this topic with her.  It is, after all, HER story.  As a precocious little 2-year-old, Natalie began asking questions about her birth.  For example: “How did I come out of Miss Paige’s tummy?”  and “Did I have any toys or books when I was inside Miss Paige’s tummy?”  Sean and I took great care to answer her questions truthfully, and on a level that she could understand.

As many of her friends’ mothers became pregnant and welcomed little brothers and sisters, we spoke more and more about where babies come from and how families are formed in different ways.   We read children’s books about families formed by birth, by marriage, and of course, by adoption.  She loved these tales of mommies and daddies flying to faraway lands to bring home their precious children.

When Natalie turned three, she began acting out various stories of birth and adoption as she played with her toys.  Some days, she would put a doll inside her shirt and say: “Look, Mommy and Daddy, I’m pregnant!”  Then she would “deliver” the baby by pulling it out of her shirt, cuddle it in her arms, and say: “Look, Mommy and Daddy, this is your granddaughter.”  Other days, she would put little people in her small pink plane and make it fly across the playroom, explaining that these mommies and daddies were flying to Georgia to adopt their baby.

As Natalie grew more verbal and more capable of understanding complicated concepts, we spoke with her about the reasons why women make adoption plans and the reasons why Paige chose adoption for her.  We explained that Paige was too young to be a mommy, was not married, and did not have enough money to pay for everything a baby needs.  We also explained that Paige loved her very much and wanted to make sure that she grew up in a family with a mommy and a daddy who had good jobs and enough money to take care of her.  We told Natalie that Paige was sad that she could not be her mommy, but that she chose adoption out of love for her, because she knew it was the best choice for Natalie.  We ended these conversations expressing how thankful we are to be her parents and how grateful we are to Paige for helping us to become a family.

Natalie is four years old now, and she frequently initiates conversations about adoption with family and with friends.   These conversations happen so naturally and so lovingly that it always makes me grin with pride.  For example, Natalie has informed us that she plans to adopt twins when she grows up.  Natalie is very much aware that we are currently waiting to adopt another baby, and she often asks us: “Is today the day when my baby brother or sister comes home?”  Last year, Natalie’s preschool teacher told me that she has overheard Natalie talking to her classmates about how her family is “waiting for a baby to adopt” when the other children discussed their younger siblings.

Several months ago, Natalie looked at me wistfully and said: “Mommy, I love you very much.  And I would like to meet Miss Paige.”  My first reaction was surprise: I expected Natalie to make this request at some point, of course, but perhaps not so soon.  My second reaction was pride and joy: Natalie’s request to meet Paige suggested to me that she has positive feelings about her adoption!  I smiled at Natalie and replied: “I love you very much, too, and I will do whatever I can to make that happen.”

First, I needed to find out if Paige was open to meeting Natalie.  In our adoption agreement, Paige had requested annual letters and pictures (which we have been sending) but not visits, although we told her during her pregnancy that we would be glad to facilitate visits in the future if she changed her mind.   I wanted to respect Paige’s wishes and boundaries, so I contacted ANLC to ask for advice.  The birth mother advocate who had worked with Paige on her adoption plan reached out to Paige, told her that Natalie would like to meet her, and asked her how she felt about it.  Paige was surprised to get this call, as she also expected it to happen later in Natalie’s life, but fortunately she agreed to the visit since Natalie had requested it.

A few weeks later, Sean, Natalie, and I flew to Georgia and met Paige at a park in the small town where Natalie was born and where Paige still lived.   At first, both Paige and Natalie were quiet, shy, and reserved (now we know where Natalie got this trait!).  Natalie gave Paige a wallet-sized school picture and a painting she had made.   After that, Natalie, Paige, and I played together while Sean sat on a bench and watched.  We played hide-and-seek, store, and race cars.  We went on the swings and the slide and the monkey bars.  By the end of our visit, Natalie and Paige were chatting up a storm and playing together like old friends.   At the end of the visit, Natalie and Paige hugged warmly and Sean and I thanked her for allowing us to visit.

A few days later, when we were back at home, Natalie said to me: “I’m the luckiest girl in the universe because Miss Paige lives close to us and we got to visit her.”  This comment warmed my heart and reconfirmed what I already knew instinctively – that Natalie feels secure in her family and secure in knowing where she came from.  She knows that she is loved and cherished not only by her parents, but also by her birth mother.  Open adoption has worked beautifully for our family.  I think this makes me the luckiest mom in the universe.

Every family’s adoption journey is different with unique circumstances and challenges along the way. And every family needs a different level of support at every stage of their adoption journey.

This is one family’s story:

“We had been married for 15 years when we finally took the leap into our adoption journey. I had so many fears. Would the baby be healthy? Would the birth mother change her mind at the last minute? Could I handle an open adoption? I wanted to be a mom so badly that I embraced those fears and jumped. Our adoption was anything but easy. A few months after starting our search we got “the call” that someone had picked us. I was elated, only to have my heart broken before the match was official. Then a second and a third disruption happened all in the first year. Each time I cried myself to sleep and wondered if my dream would be realized. Then, nearly two years after our first step, the perfect match found us. A birth family wanted us to be the parents of their miracle. After meeting them I just knew this was it. Our son was born in March of 2014 and has changed our lives in so many ways. My heart is so full of joy it’s nearly impossible to contain. We Skype, text and talk to his birth family frequently, and I consider them family. The waiting, the fear, the uncertainty… they all led to the creation of my family and I wouldn’t trade it or change my story in any way.”

Because waiting for a child to arrive during the adoption process can feel isolating, confusing and overwhelming, Adoption Network Law Center’s Client Liaison team created a Mentoring Moms program to give families additional support and friendship as they wait to be chosen by their Birth Mother. We feel that it is important to connect our waiting families with other families that have been down the same adoption road, especially families that are struggling with any part of the adoption process.

Our Mentoring Moms are mothers that would like to share their successful adoption story, become a source of love and encouragement to a waiting family, and are available to have a listening ear and an open heart. Our Mentoring Moms want to give back and help make the process easier for Adopting Parents anxiously waiting for their Birth Mother to find them.

Many of our Adoptive Mothers have been happy to help and have eagerly signed on to become Mentoring Mom volunteers. They have “walked” in these waiting families’ shoes and know how heartbreaking adoption can sometimes feel. A family who adopted their son with Adoption Network in 2013 said “Adoption is such a crazy journey and we would have never made it as far as we did without all the help and support we got from other adoption families and birth families who had gone through it (and survived). We would be honored to be a resource.”

After a mom has signed on to become a volunteer, we create a “Mentoring Moms family album” that we share with hopeful Adopting Parents so they can choose which family they would like to connect with. We will then offer the email address to our waiting moms and dads so they can reach out to the Mentoring Mom volunteer directly. They can communicate via email, phone calls, Skype, etc.

Carol Slater, Client Liaison at Adoption Network, summed up the adoption process best when she said, “The adoption process is like being pregnant with a roller coaster of emotions, except you have no baby in your belly, no control, and you don’t even know the due date.” We are excited that our Mentoring Moms are helping to offer faith and reassurance to our hopeful parents.

1. What led you to adoption?

We spent 5 years trying to have a baby, but struggled with fertility issues and unsuccessful pregnancies. We thought about adoption, but struggled with the idea of having no genetic link to our child. We considered fertility treatments and researched their success rates. After all that, we realized that we just wanted to be parents.

2. How did you hear about ANLC’s Pro Bono Services?

Wonderful Betsy (ANLC Adoption Consultant)! We came to ANLC and were working with Betsy trying to find a way to pay for the adoption. We are both teachers and chose this profession so we could spend more time with our future family. We bought a house, again for our family, and found ourselves unable to qualify for a loan. Betsy worked with us with ideas for funding and we were working on fundraising activities. Then Betsy mentioned that ANLC was offering this Pro Bono opportunity and encouraged us to enter.

3. Did you have any fears about the adoption process?

Yes! Our number 1 fear was worrying that no matter how good a parent we might be, our child would have identity problems. Adoption is loss. How would our child react to this loss and how would we deal with his loss?Another fear was what would happen with the birth mother? Would the child want to be with her instead of with us?We researched to alleviate our fears and learned that open adoption is healthier for the child, so we decided we wanted an open adoption to help with the issues that frightened us.

4. Describe learning that you had been chosen by your Birth Mother

Everything happened so fast! The previous summer we had been fundraising and feeling like it would never happen. It was all just talk, if’s and when’s. Suddenly it was real. There was a real woman with a real baby who had picked us! She was real! It was the first piece of real evidence that we would get a child.

5. Describe the wait

We were introduced to Walter’s birth mother on April 7, and Walter was born July 21. Part of our Birth Mother’s choosing us was dependent on meeting us before the baby was born, so we flew to Louisiana to meet her and the bond was instantaneous! We went to dinner and our Birth Mother and Preslie had massages together. This bonding opened our relationship and allowed for full contact. When we returned home we sent her photos of our house and garden. We talked on the phone and the relationship grew.

6. Hospital Experience

Our Birth Mother’s first two babies were born two weeks early, so we went to Louisiana 2 weeks before his due date. Unfortunately (or not) he ended up being late. It was a perfect time to spend with her. We were anxious, but spent time together. Then when he was born, she called from the hospital. In the original agreement, we were planning to wait in the waiting room, but once we got there, she asked us to come into the room and we were able to be there for Walter’s birth. Preslie held her hand as she pushed, Mike cut the cord and as we gave him his first bath, his Birth Mother watched and smiled.

7. What is your relationship with Walter’s Birth Mother now?

Now we speak several times a week on the phone. She is getting married in June and we will be there for it. We plan to get together once a year so Walter can know his Birth Mother and his three brothers.

8. How has your life changed?

Last summer we were having yard sales and fundraisers but realized that we were nowhere close to being financially able to adopt. We were depressed and really at our lowest point; we thought it would never happen. This summer our world has changed. We are so happy.

9. Has adopting outside your race been an issue?

We chose to adopt a full African American baby when we learned that some of them don’t get matched. We realized that there are women out there who would need us as much as we needed them.A note from Preslie:My relationship with Walter’s birth mother is AMAZING and that has made the whole process so much easier. I encourage Adopting Parents to consider full open adoption for their baby’s well-being. My fears are gone knowing that Walter will know his birth mother and know that he is loved by her. I am not afraid of the number of people who love my baby.

“We tried to have children but were unable to. In 2008, we got a phone call from David’s sister about a friend’s sister who was thinking about placing her baby for adoption. We went through the home study and getting everything ready, but the mother decided to parent the baby. We knew that we had to keep trying because we felt like that is what God was leading us to do.” Deciding not to give up on their dreams of a family of their own, the Willmarths found out about Adoption Network Law Center’s annual pro bono service. .

ANLC: How did you hear about Adoption Network Law Center’s National Adoption Month pro bono service?

WILLMARTHS: Facebook

ANLC: Did you have any fears about the adoption process?

WILLMARTHS: Yes. Yes. From 2008 – 2012, we had 4 attempts to adopt that didn’t work out. We didn’t want to have to go through the pain again.

ANLC: Describe that call.

WILLMARTHS: Melissa was at work when she got a call about a baby boy that had already been born. I (Melissa) called David to tell him about the baby. David and I were both very nervous but excited at the same time. We were nervous because of the failed adoptions in the past. It was exciting to think this could be the baby for us.

ANLC: How about your hospital experience?

WILLMARTHS: The hospital time was great. We were allowed to keep our son with us the entire time. He felt like he was really ours starting at the hospital because we got to have that time with him.

ANLC: How was your relationship with the Birth Mother?

WILLMARTHS: We only met the Birth Mom at the hospital and talked with her for just a few minutes. The only contact we have now is to send letters and pictures to her yearly.

ANLC: Describe the wait after that.

WILLMARTHS: The wait was only about a week so it wasn’t really that bad. It was nice to have that time with him to bond with him. The wait was nothing like the 5 years had been waiting for a child.

ANLC: How has your life changed?

WILLMARTHS: It has shown us a love that we could never imagine.

ANLC: Did you adopt outside of your race?

WILLMARTHS: Yes we are Caucasian and our son is African American. When we look at our son, we don’t see the color of his skin, we just see our son who we love more than anything. Our friends and families love him as well. We are thankful to have him no matter what race he is.

ANLC: What is your life like now?

MELISSA: Our life now is very busy. There is never a dull moment. Our son has been totally worth the wait and all of the heartache we had to go through to get to where we are now. We are so happy and thankful to have him. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us.

We are so thankful God led us to Adoption Network Law Center. From the minute our son Brian was placed with us in the hospital until we finalized his adoption, everything went so smoothly. Our failed adoption in 2008 felt so chaotic, but with Brian everything was different. It seemed like everything just fell into place. Whenever we had a question, there was always someone available at Adoption Network Law Center to answer our questions. Everyone at Adoption Network Law Center was so caring and thoughtful from the first minute we started working with all of you. We are so thankful to Adoption Network Law Center for everything you have done for us. Any time anyone asks us about adoption, we always tell them how wonderful Adoption Network Law Center is and how much we enjoyed working with all of you.

To apply for this year’s Pro Bono Services, ENTER HERE. The last day to enter is November 6, 2015. Good luck!